Jarl Moe in memory of my wife Nimet
From bliss to sorrow
I got married some years ago to a lovely lady by the name of Nimet. And we had a great life and beautiful boys.
However, when Nimet was pregnant with our last son she fell ill towards the end of the pregnancy and after the birth it got worse. She was couching and sweating and we understood that this was not any kind of normal flu.
We decided to go to a doctor and take a scan and quickly found out that she had a tumour in her chest.
It was lymphoma cancer. Big shock and a great sorrow in what was supposed to be the happiest time in our lives.
Going for treatment
We where living in Cyprus and felt that we needed a more professional health system to deal with this. After research we found that UK was the best place to go for this type of Cancer. As a Norwegian I naturally also checked the possibilities in Norway with Mr. Holte, the No. 1 doctor on cancer in the country. We where welcome to be treated there too but my wife felt best going back to UK for treatment as her family was close and would be able to help with the kids.
We had a Bulgarian nanny that decided to leave her husband and travel to UK with us to support in this very difficult time, talk about loyalty! So off we went, myself, my wife, the nanny and the two small children – a new borne and a 1,5 year old.
Used to the life in Cyprus, leaving for a cold country on a difficult journey in January I can tell you was a though beginning. But at least we where together and decided to win!
As the year passed my dear wife took every kind of Chemo you can think of and she went though one of the most trying days of her and our lives. If you reading this have had anybody with cancer in your family I am sure you know what I am speaking of…
In the middle of the year it was clear to us that this was going to be a though fight and it may be that we had to try alternative medicines as chemo did not seem to do the trick.
Nimets brother Kenan decided to get on a bike with a friend and bike from London to Paris for cancer charity, several friends donated funds for the cause on
A friend of mine told me about a Polish lady living in UK that was told to be a healer. We decided to go and see her. Rumour said that she healed many people and did not charge a penny, and it was true.
After the first meeting with this amazing person my wife was up beat and said she felt better.
I was happy to see that someone was giving her a light in an otherwise dark day and we ended up going back and forth every week to this lady.
She also helped us to source what was called Tibetan Mushrooms that you put in milk, leave over the day and it becomes a type of yogurt that you drink (alive enzymes).
But even after weeks with the healer and the drugs my wife did not get better.
A little progress, then back again, progress and back again…it was driving us crazy.
Coming to November it was clear that the chemo did not work as it was given.
The Norwegian doctors and the English hospital had decided to try a way of giving the drugs over several days (instead of one that was normal) that had worked well in Norway on some cases.
My brave wife was getting ready for her new round at the London Hospital and would try this new strategy combined with radiation therapy. But this time she was the weakest she had ever been. She had difficulties walking by herself and had been though several months of non stop chemo and steroids.
After about a week on hospital Saturday came and I told my wife I would travel up to Peterborough and see the kids that was there with nanny and grandparents. I jumped in the car and drove up and went to bed.
About 3 am in the morning Nimet’s brother was banging on the door of the house. It took me a while to wake up and understand what was happening. Opening the door I saw a very upset Kenan telling me that the hospital had just called, Nimet had had kidney failure and they did not know if she would survive the night.
The two of us and her mother got in my car and drove back to London. Arriving around 5am we found Nimet on the emergency ward stabilised. I hope you have never had to walk into an emergency ward my friend…it looks like something taken out of a movie.
So much cables, wires, television screens, equipment in one place is hard to describe.
Nimet was laying in the bed with an oxygen mask covering her face looking like the bandit in the Batman movie.
The mask was a special mask pushing air down the lungs.
You see… with this type of cancer it produces fluid around the lungs so one has difficulties breathing.
The doctor talk
I never been so scared in my life as to having the talk with the doctor scheduled to around 7.30 am that same morning. I walked into a small consultancy room sitting down with Nimet’s brother. A lady and man came in and sat down.
I said “Doctor, please just tell me exactly what it is and what I can expect” and he said “She is going to die”.
I was expecting him to say it, but hearing it was a rough reality check.
Sitting sobbing with Kenan we continued to hear about what was happening and what to expect and what forms was needed to sign (for not trying to revive if dying).
Iv been to many tough meetings in my life but this is the worst experience I have ever had.
It had a further boost when the doctor said ” Jarl Moe, do you wish us to arrange for you to bring the two boys to see her?” I almost fell of my chair sobbing. I had to take the decision to not bring our children to this place and for her to not see them again, ever. No words written or spoken can describe this feeling.
Later that day Nimet was taken off all machines and moved to a private room and for a few days we sat in the room spending time friends coming and going and nobody spoke to Nimet about what we knew. She did not speak about it either.
One day Nimet asked everybody to leave the room, she spoke in Turkish for some reason, but everybody got the message and left. She wanted to speak to me alone. After one hour talk I stumbled out in the hallway trying to make my legs work. Having your last talk with your wife in this life is not something one does every day.
She knew, I knew, nobody said anything.
2 days later she died, it was the 15th December 2012.
I stood outside the door and had been told they had put her on her back and put a sheet up to her neck and put a silk scarf around her head. I took several deep breaths trying to “man up” to see what I was about to see.
I opened the door and walked in, and in less than 3 seconds I was on the floor.
I never had seen a person that is not breathing before and the first person had to be my 30 year old wife.